Allright so we all know that guys have “issues” with commitment, but whats the cause of this? I’ve always wondered why this is such a known issue, but yet there is never any real answer’s. Is it how we were raised? is it in the media? Is “love” over rated? Is it because we really are like cavemen tendency? Is it a mental health issue? Is it the economy? haha ok that last one is a far stretch.
So Today i was on a quest to figure this out. I’m curious if my “fear” is only because I haven’t meet that perfect girl yet, or is it just cause I’m a big wuss like the rest of the guys? Personally I have never looked back at a girlfriend and said she was a B@$%. I have been lucky to date girls that were all pretty “normal” for the most part.
The one thing i have learned is that when I get comfortable, I’ve been known to test my limits. Which really goes the same for the old school days sitting in class. Like the saying goes ” give and inch and they’ll take 2″ right.
I mean who actually goes 50mph in a 50mph lane these days (esp in Chicago)?
So I started my research with wiki and looked up “commitment” and here is the summary.
“Personal commitment is an essential part of a life stance. A life stance is an acception of one or more objects as being of ultimate importance, the personal commitments and presuppositions of this and the theory and practice of working it out in living.”
Ok so that really doesnt explain much of anything so to google i went and here it is :
“We’ve been burned before
When we’ve been divorced and run through the wringer of the female-biased court system, many of us are reluctant (read “terrified”) to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren’t exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers — those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up — are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor to a greedy female and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.
The emotional baggage
Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes — for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied — but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging bitch, it’s too late.
Lack of compromise
Commitment implies the ability to compromise — ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, “compromise” often means “do it my way or you’re cut off from sex.” So we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get any sex at all, and the result is a terrible loss of male power.
Loss of free time
Serious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy — they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn’t worth the effort.
Not ready for it
These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.
Can’t trust a woman
We learn pretty fast that many women can’t be trusted — they’re always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.
She applies pressure
For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down — pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave. “
So after reading this, I am still not 100% happy with these answer’s. I mean all-in-all you can relate most of these to the fact that the other person just isn’t the right fit for you. In that case are my standards to high ? I mean besides my faults (which I’m sure are many) I would like to think I’m a decent catch. I mean… It could be worse really. I shower daily, I can wipe my own A$$ (big daddy). Ok no I got nothin…
In my eye’s I feel the media is a big part of things. Considering the only thing you see and hear is the money, the fame and the sex. I mean you never hear the details of love stories. Its not like there isnt any! My grandparent have been together for 55+ years. The one thing I always ask couples that have been together for eternity is “where’d you meet?” and I can usually pull out a a pretty decent love story. The one thing you never hear about (goes for most of lifes efforts) is the hard times one had to go through to where they are. Relationship seem to be a lot like kids in that instance. They look so cute sitting there but then when their yours, you dont realize how much work actually goes into making it work.
The one thing i noticed on the above list is compromise and how its a big part of where the work and effort comes in. I have dated a couple girls in the past that were so dam stubborn and had NO IDEA what this word even means (which is sad because this girl was a hottie).
All-in-all I think when it comes down to it, people change mentally, physically and financially through out their life. Especially in the 20 – 30 age bracket. In that time your life is a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs already. Which goes the same for a relationship no matter what your age is.
If at any point for what ever reason, you loose one of my 5 fundamentals to a good relationship (trust, communication, love, laughter, passion). Sometimes you have to do what ever you can in order to get your partner back by your side to experience the rest of the roller coaster ride. If you loose any one of these, you have to expect a lot of work to get things balanced again and know that there is a reason for everything. Some things may break a couple down to where they feel its just a dead weight and not worth the effort. Some things build you up and make life’s HIGH’s that much greater. Because in the end is it really worth doing if you cant share it with someone? Like one of my favorite quotes says.
Smooth roads never make good drivers.
Smooth sea never makes good sailors.
Clear skies never make good pilots.
Problem free life never makes a strong person.
Be strong enough to accept the challenges of life.
Don’t ask…’Why me?’.
Instead say, ‘Try me!
If you’re never putting in work on the relationship and walkin out (physically/mentally) at the first sign of problems. Then youre not really making an efort for the common goal you both once had.
”If you always do what you have always done, than you will always get what you have always got.”
I can now say “perfection” is most definitely what you make of it. I think we all (mainly us guys) need to realize it may not be smooth roads, sea and clear sky’s. Although If your lucky enough to find someone you have the 5 fundamentals with. Then man up and accept the challenge of making a good thing even better with a bit of work. Even if it means sacrificing less work, fame, money and anything else your chasing down.
Or at least “never go to bed angry” and always be able walk away and say you tried your best to turn it around.
References: http://www.askmen.com, http://www.wiki.com